


Never Go To Parties

by The_Jade_Parade



Series: La Veuve Noire AU [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: (dw it gets fixed in a future series), Family Reunions, Gen, M/M, Male Monster Kid (Undertale), Mettaton EX (Undertale), Photoshop Flowey (Undertale), Sibling Bonding, Social Anxiety, Steak in the Shape of Mettaton's Face (Undertale), Swearing, ok more than once, only once
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:06:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24875881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Jade_Parade/pseuds/The_Jade_Parade
Summary: Napstablook floats outside of Waterfall. Adventures await.
Relationships: Royal Guard 01/Royal Guard 02 (Undertale), napstablook/their anxiety
Series: La Veuve Noire AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1872229
Comments: 6
Kudos: 11





	1. Outside of Waterfall (and other places you can stay away from)

**Author's Note:**

> first fic 👀

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Napstablook reminisces about their life before all this.

Napstablook lives all alone, north of a place called Waterfall, in a section fittingly named The Quiet Area. Their home, or rather, house, is, very appropriately, blue and full of baggage. The red one next door, on the other hand, is completely vacant.

Some days a bird will chirp. Someone would post a video on Undernet. They would finish mixing another tune and lie down on the floor. Some days, nothing happens at all. It’s not their fault nothing changes in Waterfall, not a lot here besides trash and water.

They begin to reminisce about when they still had someone to talk to. They remember when they shared a small business with a friend. When once in a while, bypassers would stop at the Blooks’ farm to look at the little snails. They remember how that ended… 

Napstablook is feeling more hollow than usual on this particular day.

Now, Blooky knew for a fact that Happstablook was the most joyful, least dour ghost in the underground. Of course - they were Happy the happy ghost.

What people don’t understand is that, despite being happy, Happ was not nice. They were a sneaky bitch. Nap found themself always having to apologize for their cousin as they were cheating customers of their money. They didn’t merely steal, they _finessed_ whatever it was they wanted right off of the ex-owner’s grasp with only sly deceit. And the ex-owner won’t even realize.

Yeah, Happ was always sort of an enigma. When they weren’t dealing dirty or pulling pranks out of boredom, they would be watching these obscure moving pictures on VHS. And when they weren’t doing that, they were away for their Human Fanclub, whatever _that_ was. (When Happ explained it to Blooky, they made sure to include that their favorite human word was “ _fuck_ ”. Good for them.)

Nap remembers how indecisive Happ was. They always wanted a body but would say they couldn’t find one good enough to be theirs forever. They said they couldn’t find one that makes them feel like ‘themself’.

Nap could relate. They’ve always said that the reason was that they couldn’t be bothered to adapt to a new body. But mostly, they just didn’t want to find a body before Happ, nor did they want to witness the last of their family find a body before them, but they guess they didn’t have to.

One day, they woke up to find that Happ had left their house early without leaving a note. They didn’t come back.

Everyone loves Happstablook. Especially Nap. Don’t get them wrong, these two had the best life together, selling snails and causing/trying to stop trouble, which is why they still can’t understand why this happened.

For months, Nap couldn’t get over feeling it was their fault somehow, that Happ's life with them wasn’t fulfilling enough or something. It’s been years, they haven’t received any letters or messages about the matter. They still think about it sometimes. It still doesn’t make sense. Happ really was an enigma.

These days, despite their dwindling hobbies, Nap still stays at home mostly. They don’t like going anywhere else. They don’t _hate_ the outdoors, (they can’t commit to strongly hating something,) they would just _prefer_ to be indoors.

They sleep and make funky tunes, help themself to a ghost sandwich from time to time, mindlessly scroll through the Undernet, maybe lay down on the ground for a bit, ascend, understand the world a little better.

However, Nap has kind of sort of missed, you know, the good old days, and at the very most, they would admit their life has been... a bit void. Their TV hasn’t been working for like, forever, and there’s only so much you can do with music and, well, ghost sandwiches get kind of boring after a while.

(Nap could always float through the locked door into their cousin’s house and read Happ’s diaries but they don’t, of course. Blooky would never.)

So they start to travel, see what could spark interest. Eventually, little strolls about the garbage dump turn into day trips which turn into week-long trips around the outskirts of Waterfall and then completely outside their comfort zone.

They’ve been to the garbage dump more than a few times. It’s right opposite the acres. There’s always at least one other monster scavenging for treasure there and then ultimately getting disappointed. Nap can’t imagine what they expected.

They go to the Ruins at least every day. It’s quiet there. There’s plenty of empty space there to lay on their back and look at the ceiling (the only redeeming quality about any location). Once, they met a monster called Moldsmal who went about life the same way they did: with apathy. Just a few days ago, they met a human for the first time, actually. They didn’t bother them. They called them “Bloo”. Nap likes it there. Unlike the human, they stayed much longer than needed.

One time, they got lost and stuck in the middle of the Ruins and Waterfall and stumbled across a town. It was getting dark already so they thought it was best to stay the night.

They woke up to a raging snowstorm outside.

At one point, Nap realized: it was _always_ snowing in Snowdin Town. They supposed that was the joke (didn’t make it any less uncomfortable, though). The hotel they stayed at was pretty cozy, though their rest would always get interrupted by the outside noise. Nap didn’t go to the bar because there were other people there. So, aside from the library that allows headphones, the town didn’t have much to offer them. Nap floated past there as soon as possible.

Today, they’re trying something different.


	2. The Dump

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Napstablook quickly realizes what a bad idea this is.

It’s midday. Nap unsticks their eyelids, gets out of bed and prepares themself. They get dressed, and by getting dressed, they mean putting on headphones. Nap can’t go one day without music. They gather their music player and a little bit of gold and put them all in a backpack.

Nap already knows this is a bad idea.

They think they should go back to the garbage dump first to hoard anything that might be necessary. So they do. If Nap had feet, they would be splish-sploshing in the gross bin juice right now. As soon as they hover over the first layers of grime at the entrance, they're greeted with the sight of something’s backside. It seems to be in a fight.

That something looks like a dummy of sorts.

“I don’t need friends!" it shouts. "I’ve got knives!” and throws a knife at its opponent.

It pauses.

“I’m… out of knives,” it realizes. “It doesn’t matter!!” and continues shouting some more, standing in Nap’s way.

Oh great, Nap can’t explore the dump now…

They subconsciously float higher and higher, and begin to tear up. It’s okay, they do it all the time. It’s a ghost thing. They don’t notice their tears falling on top of the dummy, who mutters something and hops away.

A human in a striped shirt looks up at them, silent and unamused.

“...sorry," Nap drawls. "i interrupted you, didn’t i? you guys looked like you were having fun. i’m sorry...”

The human doesn’t look any more interested.

“i’ll leave,” Nap floats the other direction.

To their surprise, the human follows them.

“um, i’m going back to, uh, my house.”

_no. wait._

“feel free to, uh, come with if you want.”

The human stands perfectly still, staring at them.

“or... if you don’t.”

They tread back home. Their door isn’t locked. Nap sighs, they’re not very good at this travel thing. The human follows them inside.

Nap goes to float in a corner, waiting for the human to leave so they can act like they meant to go back to their house all along. The human is checking everything in the house. Nap cringes. _not the cds._

Nap decides to be nice and offer the human a ghost sandwich. The human tries to bite it but phases right through it.

It looks at Nap expectantly. They think they have to say something.

“uhhhh... after a good meal, i like to lie down on the ground and feel like garbage.”

Nap demonstrates, flopping on the wooden floor.

“it’s a family tradition. want to join?”

The human lies down next to them.

“stay for as long as you like,” they flinched as soon as they said it. _no_. _why do you keep saying things?_

The human stays for about three minutes and stands up. It looks as though it's about to leave.

“well, bye now,” Nap says. The human waves at them and walks away wordlessly.

Nap peeks out the door to make sure the human is out of sight.

 _whew_. Finally, Nap can crawl in a hole and live out the rest of their days now. They don’t know what it is about people that freak them out so much. If the human had stayed any longer or come upstairs-

“calm down now,” Nap mutters to themself.

They’re heading back to the garbage dump when, suddenly, they hear a faint hum in the corner right next to the dump entrance. Nap floats toward the source of the sound and immediately softens. Sitting, facing the corner, is Shyren, the tone-deaf girl whose sister went missing around the same time Happ did. Shyren can't speak normally, her sister Shyra used to speak for her, so she’s just completely silent now, hiding behind walls, away from others, and never looking at anyone.

The voice in Nap’s head tells them to float past Shyren, just ignore her. They float through the entrance, past Shyren, to the dump. Amongst the miscellaneous trash, half-submerged under the bin juice is an orange cooler. They push it to the point of falling and open it, grabbing a packet of Astro Food.

Nap sneaks up behind her. “hey, shyren.”

Her head perks up but she still faces the wall.

“i got you something.” Nap tries to smile encouragingly but realizes she can’t see them.

Shyren hangs her head lower. Nap puts the packet next to her and hurries back home.

They shut the door. Shyren probably didn’t want their pity anyway... _oh no, what have you done._

People are so difficult. They’ve only talked to two and they’re already feeling like maybe they can postpone this trip thing. They can’t stand trying to be around one monster, much less towns and cities full of them. Besides, Nap constantly forgets that _they don’t have a map_. They don’t know where the Hotland is. How are they going to survive up there with three gold and a 160GB iPod? Where are they going to sleep? A lot of questions without answers and they’re not very comforting. The real stress of leaving home begins to hit them.

They take deep, sloooow breaths and try to regain what’s left of the little composure they had.

_come on blooky, panicking is a part of life._

Sighing again, they double-check their backpack and grab their keys. A feeling of dread floods over their incorporeal body.

They’re locking the door when they spot something they’ve never noticed before: an alley to the left of The Quiet Area. It leads to a river. A hooded figure on a boat who sings.

_Tra la la. I am the riverman. Or am I the riverwoman? It doesn't really matter._

Nap relates already.

The River Person turns to face Nap but their hood makes them look like they don’t have a face at all.

 _I love to ride in my boat. Would you care to join me_?

Nap politely refuses. They want to make this trip alone. The River Person goes on their day, chanting.

_Tra la la, tra la la. I am the river person..._

\--

Undyne comes to a stop at the warmer end of the bridge and falls flat on her face.

“Armor... so... hot...” she coughs.

Frisk replicates the thinking emoji. Undyne’s eyes are closed and she’s sweating puddles. She looks like she’s about to die of dehydration. And there’s a water dispenser right there. But she _did_ try to spear them, though. That was mean.

Oh fine, whatever. They fill a cup with water from the dispenser and walk toward her. It’s _very_ tempting to drink it in front of her as she won’t be able to do anything anyway.

But no, believe it or not, Frisk is above that. They pour it on Undyne’s tongue, which is sticking out of her mouth, but the water mostly splashes everywhere.

They swear to God if she attacks them again.

She doesn’t. She just stands up and walks the other way, not even bothering to look at them. They suppose that’s a good thing.

And what did that sign say just now? They reverse back a little and te sign radiates “ _WELCOME TO HOTLAND_ ” in blocky red letters, cascading to the left. This must be the next stage. Frisk wonders what adventures await. They look for the next shuriken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> frisk,, *eyes emoji*


	3. Lovebirds (they just don't know it yet)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frisk has a friendly encounter with a pair of royal lovebirds. Napstablook finally makes up their mind and starts exploring Waterfall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lot of things happen in this chapter whoo

Maybe Nap is just terrible at noticing alleys because opposite that alley was yet _another alley_. In their defense, it looked more like a wall of darkness.

Floating inside, they change their mind - it’s definitely a cave, and it’s pitch-black. Turning this way and that, they can’t see a thing. They take another step forward.

Out of nowhere, a flashlight flicks on. “Whoa there!”

Nap is momentarily blinded. They are going to _shit_ themself.

The growly voice that just shouted belongs to an old tortoise with a scraggly beard. He’s holding a magnifying glass with one hand and holding his rucksack strap with the other.

“I’ve got some neat junk on sale. Anything you want to buy?” he says.

Nap tries to say something but all that comes out is nonsensical stuttering.

The man doesn’t look judgmental, he’s just staring at them with his great yellow eye. He seems to not be able to open his other eye. Nap kind of wants him to back off because, well… he smells like garbage.

Napstablook is in a cave with a strange man who smells like trash. They need a moment.

“i, uh, i n- i want to go to the hotland,” they mutter, “but i don’t know where it is.”

The man looks up at the ceiling and back at them, pinching his crusty lips together. “Hm. That makes the two of us, then!” He doesn’t look very sincere to Nap, but then again, it might just be them.

“oh... ok...”

They stand for a while until the man breaks the silence. “Well! I may not understand directions but I do have junk. Lots, in fact! Need anything for your trip?”

He unbuttons his rucksack and does the universal hand gesture for _‘voila’_ or in this case, _‘look at all this cool stuff I own’_. Nap inspects the bag. It seems to contain clean, uneaten food - impressive. Drinks, some accessory-looking things and a notebook.

They shift through the contents of the bag. “Careful with that,” the man says, as Nap picks up the notebook and checks it.

“Only if you have cash,” he rubs two fingers together. “Fifty-five gold.”

Nope. They don’t have _that_ kind of money. “sorry, i don’t have enough,” Nap says. They contemplate selling things they found at the dump, but it looks like this guy has mountains of junk already.

“um, i’ll leave now.”

“Arright, then. Careful out there, kid!”

\--

They are _so_ gonna get Papyrus back for this.

He picked the single _worst_ time to call them. Frisk wasn’t sure what he said exactly, it’s hard to be sure when a six-foot-two warrior lady holding a spear is chasing you.

After the water dispenser ordeal, he called them again and told them to meet up with him. They presumed it was important so they hopped on the river person’s puppy boat and zoomed all the way back to Waterfall.

Turns out, Papyrus had invited them to join him in his private training lesson. _With Undyne_.

\--

Exiting the cave, Napstablook spots a wooden chest placed neatly by the wall. It’s filled with goodies. The voice in their head is actively telling them to _take it all take it all_. They close it - the goodies are not theirs.

They pass a waterfall and another and don’t even notice the camera behind the water. It doesn’t matter; it wasn’t meant for them anyway. They’re about to enter a room with a different color floor when something bonks them from behind.

“Wosh u face.”

“excuse me?” Nap turns around to face a… thing.

“Wosh u hand,” it says.

Nap looks around confusedly.

“Wosh u leg,” it bobs its perfectly round head up and down.

Nap slowly floats in reverse, keeping eye contact with the thing to create the illusion that they care, hoping it’ll buy.

“Wosh u teeth and eyes,” it continues. “Scrub a dub-dubs.”

Nap keeps a completely straight face and reverses into the dark path. They turn a corner and the thing goes out of sight.

A narrow path extends in front of them, illuminated; it seems like this place isn’t just a room. Into the cave they wander.

The floor is embedded with sparkly rocks and the light is coming from several blue… fire-trees. Nap has never been here before, it’s a good thing they noticed it, this place is beautiful. Without realizing it, their breathing slows down.

They peek out the corner. The scrub-a-dub-dub thing is still bobbing its head outside.

Nowhere to go but forward, then.

\--

Well, that was a complete disaster… but at least now Frisk and Undyne are on good terms.

Now they return to where they were before, in the Hotland. They’re really liking the change in background music, it almost makes up for the change in setting. Their sweater is very itchy and smells of gross sweat. They wonder if old toy knives can still cut.

The last shuriken was between a lab, a path secured by two guards and a river. They know going right is progressing, so they decide to go up the guarded path instead.

Guard Number One with his metal bunny ears spots them. “Sorry, Undyne, like, told us there was totally a human in the area,” he says. “So, like, we have to block out the elevators for now.”

Crap, they could really use an elevator right now.

Wait a second- _human_?

Frisk starts to sweat.

“Like, no way you’re getting through us,” he goes on. “But between you and me... I think you could go through that creepy lab over there.”

That’s convenient.

“Between you, me, and my bro here, I mean,” he looks at his “bro”, the guy with the sick metal bat wings on his helmet. “I tell him all my secrets.”

The other guy looks back at him. “...What?”

Frisk giggles, _some_ body’s closeted.

“Hey!” Guard Number One points his sword at them. “No loitering.”

Frisk looks back at him and frown. They think they both know this isn’t about loitering.

“Like, just kidding, I don’t care,” he swats his hand dismissively. “Like, loiter your heart out.”

“Sure thing, bro,” Frisk says under their breath. They give him a Look and turn right, toward the lab.

\--

 _hOI!!_ the sign reads, _welcom to… TEM VILLAGE!!!_

Napstablook has not a fraction of an idea of how they got here, but here they are. They float toward another... thing.

They start, “uh-”

“hOI!! im temmie!!!” it says, “and dis is my friend… temmie!!!”

“hOI!! im temmie!!!” the other one says. “and dis is my friend… temmie!!!”

“hOI!! im temmie!!! don forget my friend!”

“Hi, I’m Bob,” says the last one.

It’s good to know all of Tem Village is in agreement about their dialect.

Nap floats further. A different sign reads: _hOI!! u shud check out… TEM SHOP!!!_ The sign parallel to that one seems to agree.

Maybe later. Right now they have to see the rest of this village.

A temmie standing next to an egg goes, “tem… WATCH EGG!!! eg... wil HATCH!!! tem... PROUD PARENT!!”

Nap nods. The egg is hard-boiled but they decide not to mention it.

Among the Temmies, there is a mushroom. Nap approaches him.

“Mushroom dance

Mushroom dance

Whatever could it mean?” he sings.

He tips his hat up to eye Nap and says, “It symbolizes my inner torment, trapped here by my hyphae... My struggle to pull away. My struggle to escape. But alas, to no avail.”

 _hard relate_ , Nap would invite him to lie down with them if it isn’t for that annoying hyphae.

They probe him again. He repeats his song and says, “If only I could see the world above. But even if the barrier was open, how would I leave...?” Nap has no idea what that means but they want to listen to this mushroom talk all day.

Unfortunately, they have a trip to make. And a shop to visit. They leave the mushroom, turn a left into the empty doorframe of the Tem Shop and hear a bell.

“hOI!” says the shopkeeper, who sits inside a cardboard box with “Tem Shop” drawn on it in yellow glitter paint. “welcom to… da TEM SHOP!!!”

“hello.”

“hOI!!! im temmie.” A drink is balanced on her box. Miscellaneous things are stuck to the wooden wall behind her.

“hi… i’m napstablook.”

“yu shud buy from TEM SHOP!!!”

According to the product board, this place has ‘tem flake’ for three gold, ‘tem flake (ON SALE)’ for one, ‘tem flake (expensiv)’ for twenty and ‘tem pay 4 colleg’ for a thousand.

Nap doesn’t want to exit a shop without buying anything, it would look like they stole something, and that’s plain rude, so they buy a tem flake.

“thanks PURCHASE! bOI!!!” Temmie squeaks. Her bright smile makes up for the fact that Nap can’t eat.

They float outside, saying goodbye to her and the other temmies, the mushroom guy as well (can’t forget him), and continue on their way.


	4. Why so blue, Dear?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frisk meets someone... interesting, while Napstablook is reminded how bad they are at people.

This lab is… interesting.

Not two feet through the automatic sliding door and Frisk is welcomed by a _live feed of them on an enormous screen_ as the only light source in the room. Further from that is a messy work table, a fridge, and a comically huge lunch bag of animal feed. Not much of interest.

Frisk jumps as a metal door whirrs open. They try to run behind something, but they can’t move. Somebody’s coming out of it. A few non-family-friendly words run through their head.

The light turn on. The monster who had come out of the door takes one look at Frisk and freaks out. “Oh. My God,” she exclaims. “I didn’t expect you to show up so soon!”

Frisk is in a lab with a… dinosaur in a lab coat with glasses. They need a moment.

She starts to spin and scratch her head all nervously. “I haven’t showered, I’m barely dressed, it’s all messy, and-”

She stops abruptly.

“H-h-hiya! I’m Dr. Alphys. I’m the royal scientist.”

Ohhhhhh, that makes sense, which is more than Frisk can say for the _huge screen with their face on it_.

“B-b-but, ahhhh, I'm not one of the ‘bad guys’!” she continues. “Actually, since you stepped out of the Ruins, I’ve, um… been observing your journey through my console. I was originally going to stop you, but,” she blushes, “watching someone on a screen really makes you root for them.”

Frisk never thought the royal scientist would be such a perv.

“S-so, now, I want to help you! With my knowledge, I can guide you through Hotland! I know a way right to the castle, no problem!”

Frisk’s face lights up. Finally, some guidance.

“Well, actually, um, there’s only a tiny issue,” she murmurs.

\--

As the week goes by, the puzzles standing in Nap’s way increase in number and difficulty. Though, they look like they’ve all been solved before so Nap just floats right over them.

 _this is going well so far_ , Nap thinks as they approach a giant cave.

The cave extends all the way to the top of the ceiling, meaning they can’t float over. And they can’t go around, either. As always, the only way is through.

Coming closer, Nap hears soft cackles coming from within the cave.

“ _Uee-hee-hee-hee_ ,” a passing conversation in an accented voice, “you should be a comedian, little one!”

Nap spies a giant spider with ribbons in her hair, looking at one of her hands (legs?) and talking. She seems to be enjoying herself.

Nap holds their head down in caution. Maybe she won’t notice them. If they just beeline through, she wouldn’t see. They stay as low as they can.

Upon further investigation, it turns out that doesn’t work. The spider perks up from atop her web-swings and smiles devilishly at the unexpected guest.

“Did you miss the spider bake sale?” she asks. “It’s only a bit to the left of the lift,” she giggles and the tiny spiders hanging on her web giggle with her. Nap suddenly becomes very self-aware. As always, they don’t know what to say.

The spider lowers her web seat to level with Napstablook and takes a look at them, like, _really_ looks at them. She drops her smile.

Nap feels a sudden urge to justify themself. “oh... sorry, there was no one at the sale so i didn’t… buy... anything...” they mutter, hanging their head even lower.

More small spiders start to crawl toward her and Nap, which is _not_ ideal.

“Why so blue, dear?” she asks, cocking her head and widening all five of her inky eyes quizzingly, and, if Nap is deciphering this correctly, with concern?

This has never happened before. Somebody outside their family is concerned for them, and they don’t even know each other…?

“Are you lost?” she asks again when there was no answer.

Nap looks left and right, not quite knowing what to do, much less say.

But _then_ she had to ask, “Hungry, then? In need of a donut, perhaps?”

As if on cue, a tiny spider spins down on its web, offering Nap a pink donut thirty times its size.

Nap looks at her with utmost disbelief. She smiles invitingly. “Only seven gold.”

They could make an analogy about greed right now but they’re in the middle of trying to hide their disappointment.

“oh…” Nap swallows, “nevermind, then.”

The spider cocks her head yet again, but more slowly. There’s a lightning-fast change of tone. Her stare seems to be piercing through Nap’s soul.

“ _Rea_ lly?” Even the little spiders look scared as her voice raises a half step.

Nap jerks back a whole step.

She blinks, forcing a grin. Her tone shifts again; now it’s soft and barely tolerating.

“Tea, then?” she asks, and a tiny spider pours them a cup at once.

The spider pours herself a cup as well. Nap has never had tea, this one must be a murky kind. They take a sip and immediately grimaces. It tastes even stranger than it looks. It reminds them of the bottled liquid Happ used to dip their pens in.

“is this... ink?” Nap whispers under their breath. They keep the sip in their mouth, not daring to swallow.

The spider opens one eye because of course she’s the type to put her pink at ninety degrees and close all her eyes while enjoying a cup of tea.

“Like it? It’s limited edition,” she smiles to herself, satisfied. “I’m trying out a new recipe. The old one was rather outdated...”

Nap nods and puts the cup near their mouth, pretending to enjoy it.

“...and a bit poisonous.”

They almost spit out their ink-tea. She giggles.

“Tee hee, no worries! I made a few changes. Now it’s just tea, no _poison_ ,” she said it all fancy like “pwa- _zon_ ”.

That’s... reassuring. Nap contemplates downing the entire thing and making a run for it but the spider _keeps talking_. “Oh, I never got to learn your name, didn’t I?”

She stares at Nap expectantly.

“napstablook.”

“Lovely, and surely you know who I am?”

Nap doesn’t care about this woman anymore. They look her up and down and say, completely monotonously, “no.”

The spider doesn’t seem angry at this. In fact, her face lights up. “Really now? Well, my name is Muffet, though the little ones call me Miss Muffet. I run the underground’s largest bake sale.”

Nap’s eyelids go down halfway, “ok, um, i need to go now.”

“So soon?” they would see Muffet is hesitant to let them go, but they’d already turned away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from 'spider dance' original lyrics by adrisaurus


	5. Invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You don’t know Mettaton?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can see the scroll bar, you know this one's long

It must be around six-something PM judging by the looming darkness above and Napstablook is tired. Going a little further, finally, _finally_ , a hotel comes into their view.

They can’t believe they’re actually in one piece - mostly, anyway - the MP3 player screen cracked a little as a result of being dropped on a tile. They’ll get it fixed. Or not.

The shiny MTT Resort is unlike anything Nap has ever seen before. Its size doesn’t compare to that white laboratory they saw a few days back, which was all huge and mechanical. But this resort isn’t like that - it’s grand, which makes it _feel_ bigger, despite being quite a moderate building.

Nap likes this place. That color between blue and purple on the exterior walls. The golden glow from the door and windows - from the light inside or the tint in the glass, Nap can’t tell. The huge, elaborate sign above the awning that reads ‘MTT’ in shiny cursive, to the sides of which are two rectangular robots with angel wings. The potted bushes neatly untrimmed, paralleled on the walls. Nap really appreciates all that. The designers really knew what they were doing. For a place so warm all the time, (like, _all_ the time,) this building does a lot to balance it out.

It suddenly occurred to Nap that there is going to be air conditioning in the resort.

They are _liking_ this place so far. They mentally plan out their evening. They’re going to get some dinner, lie down, hover under running water pretending to shower, snuggle under a blanket and rise and shine at noon the next day again only to lie down some more. Sounds like a plan.

But then they spot a piece of paper on the carpet.

“Hey!” it reads. “Go up the alleyway on the right for some great deals!”

 _curiosity kills the cat,_ they think. _but i’m a ghost so it’s fine._

They could’ve easily turned the other way, the same way they did with the river person, and go have their meal. In fact, they should. But come on, _you_ wouldn’t ignore the shady note on the carpet either.

Nap floats inside said alley and immediately regrets it. The horrible lighting and the gross smell makes them feel... dangerous. They don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. They still can’t see anything.

Then, it hits them. Standing backs against the wall chatting at the very end of the alley, are two girls.

 _welp. forget being risky. time to g-t-f-o._ Nap’s head tells them to make a run for it but the rest of them would not comply.

Too late. The girls already saw them.

“Hey, check it out!” they both say at the same time. Their enthusiasm almost knocks Nap over.

“What’s up, kid?” says the taller, blonder, more reptiley one. She goes on to introduce herself but since the other girl did so at the same time, Nap could only catch the ‘this is my best friend’ bit. They look at each other and burst into giggles.

“o-okay,” ghost sweat starts to roll down Nap’s forehead. Do they have to remember these girls’ names? “uh, i-”

“You... wanna buy something?” the taller one interrupts. “We’ve got stuff. Tell ‘em, Catty.”

“Right! We have so much gear. You should buy, like, all our stuff,” suggests the cat, whose name is Catty, apparently.

Nap groans internally. “oh… i don’t have any money…” they lie, and then they decide it’s best to make the most out of this. “can i… can i sell you something instead?”

The blonde one swats her claws. “Oh, we, like, don’t really need anything.”

But Catty sees this as an opportunity. “Oh my God! Can you get us some Glamburgers?” she looks at Napstablook expectantly, even though they’ve already said they don’t have any money. Also, Nap has no idea what Glamburgers are.

“Catty. We, like, don’t need, anything,” her friend is getting annoyed.

“Bratty... come on.” She continues, ignoring Bratty completely, “I’ll pay you a thousand gold if you get Mettaton to autograph my butt!”

Bratty facepalms.

Wow, this was a bad decision. Nap doesn’t know what to say. It’s getting darker and darker outside already. They need to zip back to that resort.

Catty doesn’t say anything in response to Bratty’s facepalm, and Bratty, in turn, doesn’t say anything in response to Catty’s silence.

They both turn to Napstablook.

And Nap’s brain, in turn, decides to lag.

A few moments of blubbering later, Nap is so indescribably relieved (and a bit cautious, but mostly relieved) to hear a fourth voice.

“Bloo? What are you doing here?”

All three of them snap their heads toward the source of the chippery voice.

Standing at the front of the alley is no other than a surprised human in a striped shirt. Nap almost smiles.

“Oh my God, you two _know_ each other?” Bratty screams, pointing at the Nap while Catty points at the human. She shares the same shocked expression as her BFF.

“O-M-G, Frisk!” Catty throws her arms in the air. “Long time no see!”

Frisk’s expression turns into… joy? They’re smiling. Nap doesn’t really understand emotions besides the five main ones, and they only really empathize with one.

The human walks into the alley and instantly gets swarmed by the girls. “Catty, I was just here a minute ago.”

Bratty wraps her scaly alligator arm around their shoulder. “Oh my God! Are you, like, _so_ hyped for the show tonight?”

Catty wraps her furry cat arm around their other shoulder. “I know _I_ am! It’ll be, like, my fifth Mettaton show!”

“We will _so_ be there!” the girls say in unison again, followed by hysterical giggling that borderlines on screaming.

Ah, okay. Nap can do this. They have gone through too many three-way conversations where the other two don’t acknowledge them. The key is to not say anything.

“…who’s mettaton?”

Bratty and Catty freeze.

_the key was to not say anything blooky you-_

Bratty slaps her claws over her mouth, blinking rapidly. Catty closes her eyes in disbelief and raises her paws dramatically.

“You don’t know Mettaton?” Frisk breaks the silence surprisingly calmly, amused.

The girls lose it.

“You don’t know _Mettaton_!?” they shout so suddenly Nap almost tips over. “ _What_!?”

“ _How_?!! Like??” Catty screams flailing her arms.

“You’re such a weirdo, Bloo.” Frisk is smiling again. “So, girls, who _is_ Mettaton?” they ask on behalf of oblivious little Nap, who has apparently been living under a waterfall for years.

“Oh, my God! _Mettaton_...” Catty pretends to melt into a puddle on the concrete.

Bratty sighs dreamily. “Ugh, he’s like, my robot husband.”

“No!” Catty hisses. “He’s like, _my_ robot husband!”

This goes on for longer than necessary. Frisk seems to be having fun, watching these two fangirls. They snort very loudly when Catty adds an inappropriate ‘mee- _yow_ ’ as the subject of Mettaton’s legs came up.

“Shush, Catty, he doesn’t even _have_ legs.”

“Not yet,” Catty smirks.

From what Nap gathered from the two, Mettaton is a handsome, rich, celebrity heartthrob robot who is yet to acquire legs. He might be the rectangle from before, now that they think about it. Since he operates in the Hotland, it’s _the_ most exciting place in the Underground. Great _._ Frisk proceeds to buy some things from the girls and Nap starts to zone out until something snatches their attention.

“But like, Mettaton always acts like being built was _his_ idea, somehow?” Bratty is saying.

“Like Alphys was an old friend or something,” Catty continues for her.

“Kind of like me and Bratty.”

“Haha, yeah, we go _way_ back. High five.”

“Nice,” Frisk says, turning around. “Alright, thanks dudes. See you tonight!” The girls say their bye-bye’s and see-you’s right back at them.

“And Frisk!” Catty calls. “Bounce with something cute on, that apron is not doing you justice right now.”

Frisk looks down at their burnt apron and calls back, “I will!”

And with that, they lead Nap out of the alley. All the while, Nap’s feeling of danger still hasn’t gone away.

As they walk back into the resort, Frisk starts small talk.

Now, Nap sucks at small talk. Conversation between two people when both aren’t interested is absolute hell for them. Though, they think they’ve improved a little at it, because Frisk got right to the point after two sentences about the weather.

“So,” Frisk says, “the big guy himself’s throwing this huge party not too far from here, at ten.”

Nap blinks. “who?”

Frisk stops in their tracks. “Mettaton.”

 _real genius, blooky_.

“right,” Nap says automatically, to which Frisk chuckles, but not in a mean way.

“Yeah, apparently he’s had some crazy makeover or something and he’s gonna be at the Core to party with, like, a _million_ other people. Wanna come?”

There’s a party the night Nap finds a place to rest. Why are they not surprised? It’s a puzzle to them why anyone would invite _them_ to a _party_ , let alone take them as a plus one, with completely no romantic implications. Nap doesn’t even know Frisk that well. They had only just learned their name five minutes ago.

“By the way, I’m not taking no for an answer,” Frisk ends with a sneaky smirk.

“i-i don’t,” Nap stutters, “i’m not really, a party kind of guy...”

Frisk smiles as sweetly as sugarcane and says, “Come on, _buddy_ , it’ll be fuuun.” They hit Nap on the chest with the back of their hand, phasing right through them. “You’ll love it, promise.”

Nap looks left and right for a way out of this, but they keep getting lead back to Frisk’s eager grin.

“...fine, i’ll do it.”

It’s not like they have anything better to do.


	6. (We stand in awe in front of) Another Prick at the door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, no kids allowed,” he warns.

After checking into a room in the resort, Frisk, now filled with determination, leads their ghost date to an elevator outside, because the one inside is always occupied. The light from the magma underneath appears to illuminate the entire Hotland, no matter how dark it is. They push the down button and wait…

…

Frisk remembers elevators in the Hotland were quite speedy. They impatiently tap their fingers on their thigh, chew on nothing, until-

It finally arrives five minutes later. The door slides open and... it’s packed. Frisk tries to squeeze in, thinking that being short and cute had perks, but are instead shoved out and scolded by the monsters in it. They push the down button again. This goes on for some time.

Frisk groans after the third time. “This is never gonna work.” They kick the steel door, to no avail.

Nap sighs and quietly floats in reverse.

“Wait, wait, don’t leave!” Frisk catches them by the headphone wires. “I, uh, I can find us a shortcut! I know a guy.”

Napstablook blinks, unfazed. “really?”

“Yeah! Just wait here,” Frisk says, relieved that they still have a date, and dashes back to the restaurant. Three replays of Another Medium later, they come back, panting. “I got the thing. Let’s go.”

\--

Frisk leads them back to the resort but this time, to the alley on the left. There is a little gray, rocky-looking door on the wall. Nap isn’t too sure about this.

Frisk seems to read their mind. “It’s just a door. Completely safe.”

When Nap looks at them weird, they add, “Sure I’m sure. Why would I lie to you?”

_exactly something a liar would say…_

Behind the door is what seems to be a bright portal with blue fluorescent lights moving around it.

“um, humans first,” Nap says.

Frisk chuckles. They enter the portal, holding Nap’s incorporeal hand. Nap shut their eyes the whole way through.

After a while, they hear Frisk say, “It’s over, Bloo. You can look now.”

It felt as though they’ve been sucked into a hole, which is pretty accurate.

On the other end of the portal is a long red carpet. Nap looks behind and, impossibly, the portal had disappeared, leaving empty space in place of it. At the other end of the red carpet are two bouncers in black suits, guarding a very tall door. Frisk goes for the door but one stops them before they could walk any further. “Hey, no kids allowed,” he warns.

“Really, Bryan?” Frisk crosses their arms. “I set you guys up with each other and this is how you repay me?”

Bryan scratches his head. “Huh?”

“Frisk!” the other guard says. “Of course you guys can come in, be our guest. After all, the list does say everyone.”

Frisk nods, satisfied. “Thank you, Ryan.” As they walk in, Frisk sticks their tongue out at Bryan.

Nap follows reluctantly as Frisk holds the door open for them. They take one look at the place and-

immediately feel like puking. _wow_. This room is the most gigantic thing Napstablook has ever laid eyes on, bigger than they ever imagined. You could fit, like, the whole underground here (which doesn’t make any sense, that’s how shocked they are right now). On the far side is a platform at least four feet tall that has black curtains and probably fog machines, surrounded by huge speakers, it’s _terrifying_. Frisk and Nap arrived a little early so it’s pretty empty, aside from some other early birds. Nap can’t imagine what it would be like _full_.

Frisk looks at the platform where a crew is crawling around the frame of the stage, testing everything. A wicked grin forms on their face. “This is gonna be great, don’t you think?”

Nap takes a moment to register their words. “yeah...”

Suddenly, they hear a pipe. “Yo, Frisk! Frisk, over here!”

Nap and Frisk turn to find a little yellow kid in a striped shirt (or is that part of his skin?)

“Spike? What are you doing here?” Frisk raises an eyebrow.

Spike’s feet keep twitching. “Weeell, since basically everybody is invited, I- uh, kind of invited myself. And, if everybody’s invited, I figured that, well, _she_ would be here, and, yo-”

Frisk stops him. “Got it, dude. So, you’re not even here for Mettaton?”

“Oh my gosh, is that her?” Spike squeals, gazing at the crew testing the lights. “ _Undyne_!” he screams, dashing away from them.

Frisk’s eyes follow Spike, looking unsure. “I better make sure he’s okay,” they say, before running after him, leaving Nap by themself.

Music is playing, now, a little too loud for their comfort. They float to the nearest vending machine next to a few bathrooms, doesn’t buy anything, just waits there awkwardly. They put their headphones on to block out the music.

As the minutes go by, the windows turn pitch black, so dark it must be midnight already, the music stops pausing for adjustment and starts to get louder. Every passing second, another group of monsters comes pouring in, then more and more until the room is filled with monsters, pushing their ways around, chattering over one another. Napstablook can’t believe so many people came just to see a robot. Well, except the kid, who came to see Nap’s old neighbor. And Frisk, who apparently came to ditch their date.

Oh, don’t get them wrong, Nap loves to be alone, but not in a crowd, _especially_ not in a crowd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from 'ode to the bouncer' by studio killers


	7. Never Go To Parties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slowly, the black stage curtains descend to the sides, a single spotlight shines on a silver moon levering down from the ceiling and, between the glittering stars, a fabulous silhouette sitting on top of it.

“H-hello everyone,” a voice squeaks into the mic and echoes across the whole venue, sending irritating feedback to Napstablook’s ears. “A-are we having a g-good time? Yeah! Um, the star of the show will be out shortly so i-in the meantime, uh, enjoythemusic!”

The crew puts on a techno playlist. Some monsters in the crowd bob their heads to the beat. Nap would notice a few of their own songs if the music wasn't blaring from the _wall-sized speakers at full volume_. It was too late when they realized they were standing by the vending machine right next to the _only_ bathrooms in the entire room, which led to monsters from all directions shoving them this way and that, spitting things like _get outta the way, punk!_

Nap freezes when they spot some people holding sandwich baggies with stuff inside. Nobody told them it was _that_ kind of party.

In a frenzy of distress, they decide to go look for Frisk. Out of all people, _they_ would know what to do, and if they don’t, well...

The venue is overflowing and uncontrolled. Against their (much, _much_ ) better judgment, Napstablook dives headfirst into the crowd, looking for shirts with stripes. Clumsily wading through crowd after more crowd, incorporeal body clenched, nauseous and sweating, Nap is going to throw up any second. If only they had just stayed at the resort.

\--

Frisk, on the other hand, has been following Spike through the growing crowd, unaware of Bloo’s whereabouts for the most part of the party. It was mostly to block out the ear-piercing music as fast as possible.

They struggled to keep up with Spike as he was scuttling all over the place, jumping over and ducking under various monsters to get backstage as fast as possible, falling flat on his face more often than not. Along the way, Frisk noticed there was security _everywhere_ \- backstage, front-stage, around the room, even randomly in the crowd - and most of them were much more serious-looking than Bryan and Ryan. Exactly why they need to keep an eye on Spike, to make sure he didn’t get in trouble.

The kids managed to squeeze their way to the right door backstage.

Spike, without Frisk having to tell him, started to rant to the guy on guard duty about this super cool fish lady while Frisk crawled behind. The plan wasn’t very thought out, but luck was on their side as Spike got picked up by the collar and dragged right backstage.

But it didn’t end there, of course. They’re backstage, now, and they have to be stealthy. Thinking back, Frisk should’ve asked for another portal - but where’s the fun in that? Instead, they map out a plan. Since the backstage area is pretty narrow, both of them should be able to ninja their ways into a room or something. Then, if there is anything in their way, they’ll… well, they’ll see what happens.

After sneaking and peeking into multiple doors, Frisk and Spike have tip-toed all the way to the other side and still haven’t found anything cool. They’re hunching behind a black transport case large enough to keep both of them hidden and spying. Frisk is looking out for things of potential harm, they spot a few official-looking monsters holding checklist boards, and some groupies hanging around with seemingly no purpose.

Spike is _actually_ bursting - there are sparks flying out of him right now - so much Frisk had to calm him down or they’ll get caught. (This must be the first time he’s done something this sneaky. Frisk gives themself a pat on the back, they’ve successfully ruined another child.) He speed-scans everywhere for Undyne while Frisk is keeping an eye out for the big guy himself.

Suddenly, Frisk flinches and taps on the back of Spike’s head. “Spike, Spike, I hear something,” they whisper. Lamenting coming from the farther side of backstage.

Spike vibrates twice as fast. “Where? Where? Do you see her?” he asks in the highest, airiest voice possible.

Frisk regrets saying anything. They carefully take a step out of their hiding spot, turning around and signaling Spike to shush. Spike follows them back and forth about the space, occasionally diving behind more transport cases to stay invisible to people passing by. Finally, the intruders reach the source of the sounds: behind a hot pink door with a gold star that has an ‘M’ on it. It’s locked. _Of course._

“Ooh, let me try,” Spike yanks a bobby pin out from his pocket with his mouth. “I always have one on me, just in case,” he says. Frisk glares at him with utter disbelief.

They look at the bobby pin then back at Spike. “ _Why_ didn’t you use it on the other-? Oh, nevermind. Open it already.”

He bends the pin with his foot, holding it in his mouth and sticks it in the keyhole. Frisk hears a clicking sound. The door creaks open. Spike peaks in first and-

nearly blacks out, falling to the ground, whispering “Oh my God, oh my God” over and over excitedly. This kid has too much energy, Frisk thinks, he might as well be foaming around the mouth right now. Frisk jerks their head inside.

Sure enough, standing inside, it’s him. He admires his reflection, sighs and clicks his tongue.

“Sorry gorgeous, I had to,” he smirks at them through the mirror, teasing his voluminous hair.

On second thought, maybe Spike’s reaction wasn’t out of energy.

\--

Somehow, by a miracle, when Napstablook had flown a little out of the crowd, they bump into someone who wasn’t flailing, screaming Mettaton’s name or otherwise intoxicated. They realized immediately when they heard her high-pitched giggles that it was the spider lady they talked to earlier today. Or was it yesterday? They’ve been here so long they can’t tell.

Muffet is wearing her vaguely mischievous grin from earlier. She seems to have picked a seat to the far far left to keep her bake sale and herself away from being engulfed by the crowd. When they bumped on her, she turned around.

Quite shocked to see Nap, she exclaims, “Oh! Napstablook-!”

Nap pants, pausing for breath, “sorry to bother you, i’m... looking for a... a human.”

Muffet’s inky eyes widen with surprise. “ _Human_?”

Nap suddenly notices the huge creature wrapped in a cupcake liner behind Muffet and shoots five feet in the air. It’s a spider, a _ginormous cupcake spider_ , with eight legs and _definitely_ more than eight eyes. It doesn’t look too fond of them.

“Oh! You haven’t had a chance to meet my pet, haven’t you?”

“ _what is that?_ ”

Cheers erupt throughout the field, drowning out Muffet’s response. “ _Me-ta-ton! Me-ta-ton!_ ”

The lights overhead dim and turn a dark ultramarine as the crowd cries and hollers. Nap can feel the oncoming confetti bombs. Slowly, the black stage curtains descend to the sides, a single spotlight shines on a silver moon levering down from the ceiling and, between the glittering stars, a fabulous silhouette sitting on top of it. The audience goes _wild_.

But, to everyone’s confusion, the lights and music shut down completely, leaving the moon in midair.

Confused silence. Then, deafening pitchy feedback across the whole room.

A quiet, “Oh, my mic wasn’t on.”

Then, the speaker-engraved walls blare an even pitchier voice.

“ _How_ dy everybody! I’m a friend of Mettaton’s,” it echoes, sending a shudder to Nap’s body from top to bottom - they didn’t even know that could happen. The spotlight moves to the DJ booth atop the stage, revealing-

A tiny yellow flower.

Who’s baring its _teeth_ in a horrifying, unsettling smile.

The flower seems to be enjoying the gasps of shock from the crowd.

“Well well well, let’s cut to the chase. _Blooky_ , was it…?”

Somehow, for reasons they really _really_ don’t want to know, Napstablook, known incorporeal, is grasped by an invisible hand and picked ten more feet up in the air. _They can’t move_. The flower’s gaze is piercing directly at them.

they’re going to _die_ , napstablook is going to _die_. they’re going to be disintegrated and turned to dust and their last words wouldn’t have time to come out before they’re brutally finished by a fucking _flower_ and-

It feels like they’re suffocating. They feel numb on the surface - it’s happening internally. Like the flower is gripping and choking their very soul. The fact that they technically can’t die is slowly slipping out of their head. And worse, their headphones are, too.

The flower grimaces, copying Nap’s exaggerated big eyes, glittering with tears, and laughs a maniacal laugh.

This is exactly why they never, _ever_ go to parties.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HA YOU GOT CLIFFHANGERED


	8. Reunited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess they got some good out of going to parties.

The flower turns its attention down to the stage.

“Mettaton, big guy,” it says, faking cheerfulness, “you deserve this.” It stretches his smile to the point of uncanniness and tosses Nap up and down. They are _going_ to throw up. The flower laughs, not at Nap, but it might as well. ”You’re lucky you even _get_ to see-”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Flowey, I _paid_ you not to crash this party,” says someone from atop a glistening moon.

The flower - Flowey - seems a little taken aback.

“What- well, that- doesn’t matter right now. What’s important is that I have your little _ghost friend_ in the palm of my hand, and _anything_ can happen to them,” he proclaims, trying to overlook the roaring applause for Mettaton that drowns out his words.

“Also,” he adds maliciously, “your security was so garbage. Royal guards, _really_?” Flowey scoffs. “This superstar thing really isn’t working for you. I don’t understand why everyone thinks you’re such a _queen_.”

Mettaton sighs away from the audience. “Look, Sunflower, I’m kind of in the middle of something-”

“DON’T CALL ME THAT! I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT!” Flowey roars. He turns to the giggling crowd with mounting rage. “WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT? MORTALS.” His face slips into a more horrifying version for a split second.

Nap is ten feet in the air and too petrified to think. This is a nightmare. Their headphones are almost off. They want to go hooome…

\--

Frisk lost track of Spike when the lights went out. Initially worried out of their mind, they realized that, oh my _God_ , _Bloo_ must still be out there, and became infinitely more worried.

They were heading to the nearest exit - the door to the right - but when they heard that sickening laugh from above, they thought of a much better plan.

\--

The spotlight moves back to Mettaton, where it was before.

“HEY! What’s going on here?!” Flowey squeezes Nap even harder and Nap thinks they’re going to break.

“Oh, finally. Thank you, Alphys.” Mettaton is revealed in color on the polyester moon. The audience screams in shock. Mettaton looks _different_.

He has a _body_ \- one that isn’t just a floppy disc - and newer, shinier skin, hot pink in some places. Flowey almost drops Napstablook because _whoa_ , Mettaton has a head and a gorgeous face _and_ black hair swept to the side and boots, and- and _legs_.

“Wow, you weren’t kidding,” he blurts. “I mean-”

Mettaton clears his throat, pauses, then proceeds to put on his show smile. He tilts his chin up and places his hand under it, posing dramatically. The crowd goes wild.

“Appearing from the heavens like manna,” he announces in the most electrifying showman voice,”slaking the audience’s hunger, oh!” Dropping his tone down to a murmur, he says, “Hunger for gorgeous robots… Are you alive, Hotland?” The crowd goes _ballistic_. Mettaton smiles, satisfied, takes in the attention as he strikes another pose. “ _Ooh_! It’s Mettatooooooon…” he draws out the last word and the crowd cheers like never before…. “ _EX_! Ye-es! No, you’re not dreaming! All your eyes are on the new and improved: Mettaton _EX_!”

The rip-roaring crowd shrieks and hollers like there’s no tomorrow. Despite being attacked by flowers and various underwear thrown from all directions, Mettaton seems well happy.

“ _We love you, Mettaton_!”

He grins wide at the audience, showcasing his shiny metallic teeth.

“ _MARRY ME, METTATON_!!”

He blows air kisses everywhere except the general direction of Flowey.

“ _Sign my steak, Mettaton_!”

He clicks his tongue twice and winks, smirking at a random monster in the crowd, who immediately faints. The crowd shrieks in a much higher pitch.

Even though Nap is borderline dying, they do notice Frisk on top of the stage, slowly crawling toward Flowey, who is shaking with too much pent-up rage to do anything. Frisk signals them to shush. That should be easy.

Mettaton goes on, “Now, thanks to Sunflower over here, this whole reveal has been pretty anti-climatic, _hasn’t it_?” He breaks his smile and shoots the dirtiest side-eye up at Flowey, which prompts everyone to do the same. “I was going to do a light show, maybe even a song...” Monsters start to throw food at Flowey. Mettaton doesn’t mind. “My sincerest apologies. After all-”

“ _HEY_!” Flowey fumes, voice distorted. “ _I’m not done with you yet!_ ”

He screams and begins to grow vines encircling the room, surrounded by sparks of electricity, as if in some sort of anime. Mettaton senses danger and opts for a suicide dive from the moon. A lady in a lab coat catches him, via almost breaking her arms.

“ _Scatter_!” he shouts into his mic and the door opens. The crowd takes off like panicking mice, heading to the nearest exits, door or no door. But before anyone recognizes, a human in a striped shirt is jumping up behind the DJ booth.

“HEY, FLOWEY!”

Flowey turns around but Frisk doesn’t kick or punch him - they shine a flashlight at him, right in the eyes.

“Take _that_ , seedbag!”

In a fit of pain, Flowey swings his invisible hand around, flinging Nap out of his grasp in the process.

_You’ll love it, they said._

_It’ll be fun, they said._

The only thoughts that ring through Blooky’s mind as they plummet to the ground at full speed...

But they don’t feel the collision.

Nap is buying the fucking lottery after this.

They’re not sure what’s happening. They could only feel a strange amount of arms around them - Muffet’s arms. Something’s running, but it’s not her, she must be on top of her pet. Frisk and Flowey come out of sight as they dash out of the room along with all the other monsters, trampling on Ryan and Bryan as they pass through. Her pet crawls as fast and as far as it can. It makes Nap so much dizzier, they almost sick up their insides, if they had any.

Once out of harm, it places Muffet and Nap on the toasty ground.

Everyone around them takes a minute to settle and really, _really_ take in what in the hell just happened, most of all Napstablook. They take big, deep breaths and try their best not to pass out. They can hardly whisper thanks to Muffet.

She gives them a warm smile. “You’re most welcome, dear.”

\--

Meanwhile, Mettaton, still neat and polished, is going around to check on everyone, making sure no one’s hurt, Alphys on his side. Most of the monsters are just ecstatic that Mettaton’s actually talking to them, taking pictures and telling him to sign things.

Along the way, he notices Frisk and their friend are already there. Frisk is sitting on the grass, shakily munching on a hot cat, quite disoriented after their battle. Flowey lost, it seems, but Frisk looks just as beaten. As opposed to their friend, who is zazzed to the max, jumping around, tail flailing, legs vibrating, lips trembling. Mettaton doesn’t blame them, this was probably the most exciting day of their life.

When they reach a pale, barely conscious ghost, Mettaton does a double-take.

“ _What_?”

The ghost inhales sharply, mostly because they’re out of breath anyway. “h-huh...?”

“Holy- you _came_!” Mettaton whispers in an incredibly high pitch and immediately goes for a hug.

A mass of gasps and exclamations fill the air. Some monsters are holding phones, recording the turn of events. Even Frisk diverts their attention from their Hot Cat.

“hey, put me down!” Blooky screeches and it’s strangely wheezy, wriggling out of Mettaton’s grip. Mettaton nearly drops them. “what are you doing?!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Mettaton says on instinct. He takes a step back, blinks a few times, mouth hanging open.

Then, suddenly, he has his hand over his mouth to hide his ginormous smile. A sincere smile, for the first time in too long, probably. He doesn’t say anything, trying to take in the sight of their cousin. Frisk and the monsters around them are awfully quiet, staring at the party host, who is staring at the little ghost.

‘’Is it really you, now?” Mettaton’s voice breaks. Alphys offers him a paper tissue. He doesn’t mean to keep her hanging.

“what are you talking about?” Blooky stammers. They turn their head, gathering the energy to try to float the other direction.

“Wait, don’t go!”

\--

Nap is seriously disoriented. God, what they’d give to go home. They turn around, properly frowning at Mettaton.

Mettaton’s voice gets soft all of a sudden. “Oh, I’m so sorry.”

“what do you want?”

He clears his throat. “I just wanted to say hi… Hi, Blooky. Long time.”

Frisk whispers a small _oh my God_. Spike gasps. Muffet has no idea what’s happening but looks like she’s wishing for tea and popcorn or something. Alphys stands on tiptoe and tries to pat him on the shoulder.

Mettaton sits down criss-cross-applesauce to face Nap, a stupidly wide grin on his new face, both palms on his cheeks. Nap takes a few steps back.

His voice is higher than normal but incredibly quiet. “So, how’ve you been? Still got our little... snail farm? I hope you didn’t read my diaries when I was gone, you sneak.” He chuckles and hides half his face behind a hand. “Just kidding, I know you wouldn’t.”

This is when Nap’s hollow eyes start welling up with tears. It makes sense now. All o.f it

_Mettaton is their cousin_.

Napstablook has an acting, singing, dancing superstar cousin... _brother_.

Wow, they feel _really_ stupid right now. They open their mouth to say something, anything, but the only sounds that come out are choked sobs.

Mettaton spreads his arms and Nap loses it, dives into their cousin, sobs into his shoulder, and lets him rub them on the head. Despite knowing their headphones are gone, they’ve never felt so fuzzy inside.

“Awww...” the crowd gushes, Alphys being the most prominent. Frisk sticks their tongue out and makes a gagging sound.

After a while, Nap lifts their head and says, “ok, you can let go now.”

Mettaton lifts his head as well. “Holy stars.” He fans his eyes with his hands.

“...so that’s where you’ve been all this time…” Nap mumbles, “and... you’re a guy now.”

Mettaton nods in reply.

“congrats.”

He laughs. “It’s great to see you again, cuz.”

Napstablook smiles for the first time in what feels like ages.

“yeah, you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dw i have like two more epilogues and one more series in this universe lmaooo


	9. After-credits scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bratty and Catty earn a pleasant surprise.

Catty knocks on the hotel room door exactly three times.

Someone creaks it open just a tad and peeks out.

“What’s up!” Catty says.

“Hi Frisk, we’re here, like you asked,” Bratty waves and tries to take a step in.

Frisk’s smile immediately widens. “Yes! No, wait- don’t come in just yet. Wait here.” They close the door.

“Ooh, do you have something for us?” Catty exclaims. “Should we close our eyes?”

“Hell yeah, you should!” Frisk yells from inside.

“I hope it’s a glamburger,” Catty says. “I’m _starving_.”

 _Oh, it’s so much better_. Frisk can’t stop smiling.

After a while, they call out, “Come in! No peeking!”

The girls enter the hotel room. Both are grinning maniacally, holding their hands over their eyes. “I love surprises, don’t you love surprises, Bratty?”

“So, while you’re preparing your surprise, did you enjoy the party, Frisk?” Bratty asks. “It’s such a bummer we didn’t have a chance to see Mettaton.”

Frisk’s heart gives a leap.

Catty’s smile drops. “Yeah, we left when the lights shut down. I hope we didn’t miss anything,” she says, tone tinged with regret.

Frisk chuckles. “You didn’t miss much.”

Catty crosses her arms, eyes shut tight. “Ugh, we should’ve gotten a refund.”

“...We didn’t pay for the party, Catty.”

“Shush, he might hear you,” Frisk says, completely seriously.

The girls laugh. “Yeah, _right_ ,” they say at the same time.

Frisk’s cheeks are puffed and red, they’re going to explode any second now. “You guys are really lucky today.”

“What do you mean lucky?” Catty giggles. “We didn’t even _see_ him.”

“Not if you don’t look,” Frisk tries to keep a straight face.

The girls open their eyes, frowning. They gasp audibly, starry-eyed and speechless. It’s Frisk’s turn to giggle.

“Glad you liked the party.” Mettaton smiles from on top of the bed, legs swayed to the side.

And all the way back in Blook Acres, even the snails, selling themselves to each other, could hear Bratty and Catty’s window-shattering shrieks.

**Author's Note:**

> it doesn't matter if you liked it or not bc i already wrote the entire series in quarantine and i'm gonna post it anyway, stay tuned!
> 
> edit: welp, i finished it


End file.
